Stumped by Partnerships: Updating “The Giving Tree” & How we Engage with One Another

by Alan Howell

Director of Church Relations

In my conversations with American church leaders, cross-cultural missionaries, and indigenous kingdom workers, a topic that appears often is how to improve their partnerships.  Good global partnerships are crucial, and they offer a real challenge.  Partnerships can be a source of joy, but unfortunately, they often are filled with frustrations and fallout.  So how do we get to the root of those problems to make sure we’re involved in partnerships that produce good fruit over the long haul? 

One place to start is to dig into the stories that shape us.  Foundational stories impact so much of what we do as individuals and communities, and a popular story that I think is worth unpacking to reboot our thinking on partnerships is The Giving Tree.  Many of us here in the United States are familiar with Shel Silverstein’s popular tale. While there are elements in the story that are beautiful, the picture it paints of relationships certainly leaves a lot to be desired.  In the book, a child and the tree form a connection, and then over time this boy takes more and more from his friend, the tree, until it seems like there is nothing left for the plant to give except a place for the boy to sit. This one-sided arrangement, where only one of the party benefits, is certainly not a viable long-term vision of partnership. We could even argue that this is a toxic vision of partnership. Far from a generative vision of collaboration, in this story, one partner receives all the benefits while the other is reduced to a stump.   

Topher Payne offers an alternate ending to The Giving Tree that I would encourage everyone to check out (here’s the link to that). This new version interrupts the story as soon as the boy asks too much of the tree.  The tree loves the boy like family, but names the reality that, if it gives up the branches and the trunk, it won’t be able to keep producing the apples that the boy enjoys so much.  Also, what about the squirrels and other creatures who find their home in the tree?  The tree asks the boy to use his connections to contact an expert who could answer a question about the long-term health impacts of having creatures making the tree their home.  The boy and the tree come up with a plan for him to start an apple pie business.  This venture is a blessing for the community.  Making apple pie more available for people in the area sounds great, right? This business helps sustain the boy’s family in ways that allow the tree to keep growing.  Eventually the boy’s children and grandchildren are all able to play in the Tree’s branches.  In this updated version of the story, the tree and the boy end up forming a fruitful, sustainable partnership where both share their abilities and expertise in ways that allow flourishing that lasts for generations.   

A lot of what churches are doing in partnerships, unfortunately reminds me of that original version of The Giving Tree.  The relationship may seem like a partnership, but it only benefits one party – there is not a vision for long-term sustainability, and everyone ends up stumped. 

We need to embrace foundational stories of missional relationships that will serve God (and all of us) well.  To do that, we’ll need to deconstruct and reconstruct those shaping stories that will assist us in having a good vision of partnership. 

If you want to talk more about how your partnerships are going and what it could look like to make them better, I would love to connect with you about it.  Please reach out to me at alan.howell@mrnet.org. 

In case you missed it, here’s the link to Topher Payne’s “The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries.”